Just For Tonight english
by JeanyAlicia
Summary: Sequel to "A Beautiful Lie" Lisa and Dean try to get through a day together and search for a solution to tell their son what's going to happen to his father.


A/N: This is my **sequel to _A Beautiful Lie_**. Maybe, if I'm gonna find the time and the right mood, there are gonna be at leat 2, maybe 3 sequels. Stay tuned ;)

A/N: This time I had no actual beta reader but it's the same like the german version so I could call LamiaJade my beta-reader. Plus she likes reading my stuff when it's still work in progress so she knows it either way. I created this one because I know that the english audience is so much bigger than the german one. And I myself... it's some kind of possession that I translate my stories sooner or later.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything of this story, although it was creativity, but let's be honest: Who hadn't this scene in mind after seeing the episode? I don't get paid - and I still think I should get Have fun reading. Reviews are higly appreciated.

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**Just For Tonight **(english)

I crouched on the sofa, legs pulled up against my chest, head resting on my knees when Dean came back downstairs. I heard him approaching me on tiptoes. I didn't lift my head, didn't had the courage to look into his eyes. He turned my life upside down a little too much, destroyed my pretty little world. _If only he'd never come back!_ Why was I trying to fool myself? _I_ called him and _I_ told him that he was the father of my son. It was me who made my life collapse like a house of cards.

The cushions underneath me rustled and moved slightly. Dean had seated himself next to me. Still, I did not lift my head, instead I listened to the silence that was only broken by my low sobs. I didn't expect Dean to say anything. I knew he would go, probably never making contact again. Mentally I was already prepared for that for a long time.

Dean's hand slid down my back with feathery touches and still it made cringe. He didn't got distracted, continued caressing me and I started to have misgivings that Dean knew me better than I thought. Or my situations was so obvious and hopeless that there was just no other way to react.

"Lisa..." Once again I flinched away when Dean called my name unexpectedly. And now I finally lifted my head. My eyes burned.I had to look awful the way Dean looked at me anxiously. His hand slid from my back to my left cheek, with his thumb he wiped the tears away from my red-hot lids. I closed my eyes and unconsciuosly leaned against his warm hand. This closeness that could give and take away everything from me at the same time...

Tears streamed down my hot face, Dean moved closer, pulled my head against his chest and rocked me. _It's just making it worse..._ On the other hand it probably would have been just as stupid to let me alone with all this and turn his back on me and my... our son.

Slowly but surely I calmed down, my tears dried. I peeled myself out of Dean's arms, sat up, wiped with my hand across my face and breathed deeply. My tears weren't helping so I tried to keep a stiff upper lip. I noticed how Dean looked at me before he turned his gaze towards the floor. He ran a hand through his short hair.

I cleared my throat and fold my arms in front of my chest, but I did not look at Dean. Instead I fixed a little cut in my jeans with my gaze. "Did you talk to Ben?"

From the corner of my eye I could see Dean nodding. "Yeah...Yeah, I did."

"And? What did he say?"

"What was he supposed to say? He's disappointed that 'Daddy' can't stay. I can't resent, but..." Dean huffed, rested his arms on his knees and hung his head deeply between his shoulders. "How am I supposed to tell my son that I'm gonna die? I'm just happy that he doesn't seem to listen to our conversation."

For some time we both remained silent, then: "How is he doing?"

Dean glanced at me. His look already told be that my baby couldn't be okay. "Well... so-so. He's sitting on his bed, staring at the wall. He just wants to be alone. No wonder, is it?"

I nodded. "And you?"

He turned his head, looked into my eyes for a long time, then he laughed smitten. It looked unreal and I knew that he wasn't in laughing mood. I wasn't as well. "Feels weird." He turned his gaze towards the floor again. "After my dad died I always thought my brother was everything I had left of my family. And now I come to know that I'm having a son...Nothing you like to experience every day, is it?" He looked at me gently, with a calm voice: "And how are you, Lisa?"

I sighed, "Crappy..."

"I'm sorry that I turn your life upside down." he answered in damped volume, almost whispering.

"I just wish, that-" _all this would have never happened 9 years ago._ I stopped because this wasn't the truth. I loved my son from the very first moment! "-back then everything would have been a little different."

Dean shook his head. "Don't start blaming yourself! We were young, Lisa." Like so often, he ran a hand over his face. "Listen, I'm not good at this, but I think you deserve to know. ...If I could choose, and I wouldn't have this special 'job', and I'd know that I would not be pushing up the daisies so soon, I wouldn't hesitate and stay here with you!"

My eyes grew to the size of golf balls. _Did he really say that?_

He shook his head in resign. "But I can't. Sam needs me and in a few months-"

"No! Don't say that!"

"Believe me I'd be happier if it wouldn't have to be like this. Tell me, how was I supposed to live knowingly that I screwed up? That I couldn't keep my brother safe? I promised it to our father, Lisa. I just don't want you to endure such a loss."

It sounded like Dean was really worrying about the situation. That was almost more than I expected. Of course he decided against Ben and me, but what was the matter? We were just some ex-fling plus accessory...

"Mommy?" My head snapped to the staircase where my baby was standing. Dean looked at his son, as well. Surprisingly Ben did not retutn the look, instead he looked daggers at me, staring, almost paralyzed while he approached me. Automatically I jumped from the sofa to meet him half-way,And now I could see the little sparkling tears in his eyes.

"What's wrong, baby? Why are your crying?" I lost my voice when the tears where welling back up my eyes. I sank to my knees to be at eye level with my son. Ben flung his arms around my neck and sobbed.

"Why does Dean have to go?" I was utterly speechless. I was absolutely positive that I wouldn't tell my son that Dean would die. "I don't want daddy to go! I want him to stay!" I stroke his hair reassuringly. _Daddy...he said daddy..._

I braced my head on his little shoulder and hugged him tight.

"It...it has to be that way, honey."

"Is he gonna leave soon?" Ben asked in choked voice, his tears soaked through my top by now.

Just when I wanted to answer Dean beat me to it. "No, Ben. I'll stay!"

Dean was standing very close behind me. I heared his clothes rustling when he crouched next to me. I held my breath. _You did not hear that, Lisa. You're imagining things!_

Ben freed himself from my embrace and stared at Dean with still teary eyes and in disbelief, jaw dropping open. "Really?"

Dean nodded. "At least for a while..."

Before Dean had a chance to realize Ben jumped into his arms and pulled him down to the floor. I remained kneeing just as my son ditched me. _Someone has to pinch me, this must be an incredibly insane dream._ I was a 100 percent sure that I misheard him, but when I heard the happy giggling of my son behind me, it sank in that all this really happened. I didn't turn around, didn't join the happy laughter. Instead I let hung my head and closed my eyes.

_Dean, what the hell are you doing?_

"Ben, listen. Don't you wanna go play in your room for a while?" I heard Dean saying.

"No! I wanna stay here!"

"Please, Ben..."

Suddenly it seemed to dawn on my son. "You two want to talk..." It was a statement rather than a question. "And then mommy's gonna cry! And you'll still disappear..." Ben shook his head in disappointment. "And I'm not even allowed to listen," He walked past me and stomped up the stairs. Then one could hear the loud bang of his closing door. Oh yes, Ben was offended.

A hand rested on my shoulder.

"Come on, Lisa. Get up." I didn't react, wasn't able to move, just sat there and stared at the floor. He walked around and crouched to face me. Then he cupped my face with his hands, forcing me to look at him.

I looked into his green eyes, was so confused. Had so many questions on my mind. Foremost I wanted to know why he did this. Why he suddenly affirmed that he would stay.

Dean smiled at me, ran the thumb of his right hand over my cheekbone. He smirked, lowered his eyes slightly and his hand sank from my cheek. Then he stood up and offered his hand to help me get up.

"Come on now."

I grasped his hand and let him help me. Quickly I turned around and disappeared behind my kitchenette. "Coffee?" I desperately tried to start a more or less normal conversation, but without looking Dean in the eye. "Or Whiskey?"

"Whiskey, thanks."

While I filled two glasses - mine twice as full as Dean's - Dean was sitting on the sofa again.

"Listen, I'm sorry that I'm causing so much trouble, but... I just couldn't stand seing Ben like this, Lisa. I-"

"No. It's okay." I brought him his glass of whiskey, mine was already emptied.

"You're not angry?" Dean asked disbelieving, lifted his glass and downed it in one.

I shook my head. "Not angry. Just confused..."

Dean nodded.

"What now?" I asked him then. As an answer he gave a shrug.

"Honestly? I have no idea. I just know, that Ben would be even more disappointed if I'd vanish into thin air."

"Then stay." I tried to stay as cool and relaxed as I possibly could. I had no clue where to put Dean up, but we would find a solution, that I was positive about.

Dean pondered. He remained totally silent, ran a hand through his hair, then he laughed bashfully. "But just for tonight,"

For the first time on this late afternoon I noticed that we always unconsciously ended up in ambiguous situations, but neither one of us took the opportunity. This was really out of Dean's character.

"Then I'd say I rent the couch for a couple of hours." Dean said laughing. Whatever he thought was funny about it,

"Don't you think it's gonna look...strange?"

"Don't _you_ think it would look even more strange if your son would open the door to your bedroom in the morning to notice that I'm lying right next to you?"

_Okay. He's right. That would be kinda awkward._

"Our son, by the way, Dean. And actually this should be a totally normal sight for Ben, if his dad would have come back earlier or would just never been gone!" I didn't get where all the rage came from I was feeling inside of me. I was furious with Dean that he walked out on me back then. Of course I was clear that he no idea what I was going through right now. Still...

"Woah, wait a second! You know exactly that I had no idea about our son for the past nine years. It was a lucky break to come back to Cicero because of a case in the first place."

"I never meant anything to you, Dean! I was a nice hookup for the weekend! And then you vanished into thin air, left me behind pregnant just to come back nine years later expecting me to welcome you with open arms? How can I?"

"Calm down for a moment, will you, Lisa? Sam and I, we took this case because I knew it would lead us to Cicero and I wanted to see you again. And... what can I do more but to assure that I'm sorry?"

I let myself sink into the couch across from Dean, takign a deep breath. Somehow I needed to get rid of all the rage, but to beat my fist thorugh my glass table was probably not such a good idea, so I made do with breathing and exhaling deeply.

"Every goddamned day for the last eight years I tried to forget you, Dean. But I couldn't. Because every day when I see my baby I get reminded of you. You two are so similar..." I addmided almost whispering. Dean was the first I ever shared this thought with. With whom else should I've done it? Nobody would have understood me. Nobody carried Dean's baby under their hearts like I did. Nobody saw the man I fell so deeply in love with in the eyes of their sons.

"But he's got your eyes." Dean said out of the blue. He totally jerked me out of my thoughts and I didn't really pay attention to what he just said.

"Pardon?"

"The eyes. He's got your hazel eyes,"

"Yeah...you're rigt." and once again we were in one of those situations that could lead us in two totally different directions. Since one of those alternatives didn't really attract me right now I got up to hide in my kitchen again. "You're hungry? I could make some pizzas."

"Great idea."

Suddenly Dean was standing right behind me, leaning against the kitchenette, looking like he was lost in his thoughts.

"What's the matter?"

Dean startled. "What? Uhm...nothing. I'm gonna call Sam." He waved with his cell phone to symbolize, opened the door to the garden behind him and disappeared from my sight. I put the pizzas from the freezer directly into the oven and turned it on. Then I started to set the table. This was the first time that I laid the table for more than two persons without having guests. Dean was no guest. Dean was family. _Family..._ It sounded absurd but it was the truth. Nothing but the truth.

When I had finished setting the table, Dean came back in from the garden. I couldn't point his expression exactly, but something concerning his behavior showed me that his discussion with Sam must have been quite a bit louder than usually.

"Dean?" He looked at me. "Could you have an eye on the pizzas while I call call Ben?"

"Me and cooking? Do you have an extinguisher nearby?" Dean joked and it felt really good to escape from this tense, emotional level for once. Slowly everything was heading back to an almost amicable atmosphere. Of course I knew that it wouldn't last very long so I decided to enjoy every second as long as it lasted.

I grinned happily. "You'll make it. It's like...Stone Age: The man goes hunting, the woman takes care of the children."

"So what? You're making me hunt in a freezer? That's so humiliating."

"Whatever, Tarzan. Just look out for my kitchen not to be set on fire until I'm back."

"Jane?"

"Huh?"

"Tarzan came from the jungle, not from Stone Age."

_Damnit. He's right. As a mother...shouldn't I know something like that?_

Laughing I turned away from him and went towards the stairs. "You seem to know Disney's children's books pretty well!"

Relatively slow I went upstairs to my son's room. I didn't know what I had to await, in which kind of condition my son would be in.

I stopped in front of the door, my hand already clenched to knock. What are you afraid of? He's your son! This thought made me arouse and I knocked. Then I opened the door quietly and slow.

Ben was sitting on his desk, painting. He wasn't responsive to me.

"Baby, are you hungry? We're having pizza."

Ben tried to stare at his paper, but I saw his eyebrow twitching the moment I mentioned pizza. He couldn't ever resist pizza. Not since he was a little boy. So I was pretty sure that I could break his will soon.

"Aw C'mon, Ben. I know you love salami pizza." _I wonder if this is Dean's favorite as well. Wouldn't surprise me, considering that Ben was like a copy of his father._

Ben's fingers clenched around the pencil in his hand and even his gaze directed to the paper underneath his hands started to be more and more tense. God, this kid was immesely strong-minded... Then, he threw the pencil onto the table, jumped up from his chair, sprinted past me, down the stairs and screamed "PIZZA!" _Ha! I knew you couldn't resist!_

Smiling I went downstairs, wanted to make sure my kitchen wasn't set on fire yet. Just in this moment, when I was looking past the dining table and over the kitchenette to the oven I caught sight of Dean in apron and oven gloves, getting the plate with the pizzas out of the oven. I couldn't refrain from laughing although I so badly wanted to. A grown man in apron and oven gloves!!

"Well, freezer-hunter in apron, could you keep my kitchen in good condition?" I asked in refrained laughter. Immediately I got a wry look from my son and at the same time Dean looked at me either.

"I certainly hope so, Jane!" Now Dean was the one getting the wry look from his son. It seemed to give him the creeps that his mom got along with Dean and that suddenly mommy wasn't crying anymore.

Dean was close putting the plate on the table when I kept hold of his shirt. "Whoa, wait! My beautiful dining table..." I urged into the kitchen, opened a drawer, took two trivets out and placed them in the middle of the table. Dean eyed me suspiciously, but then he just put the plate on the table, got rid of the oven gloves and apron and sat down at table.

Ben sat at the head of the table so that Dean and I were sitting across from eachother. While I regarded both my boys I could see their faces turn to a very happy expression at exactly the same time and both said:

"Hmm, salami pizza!"

_I knew it!_

Once again I started smiling, not thinking about eating at all.

It was weird. I began getting used to this situation. We were in a too good temper, too happy, too incautious. Of course it was nice this way, but Dean would go; one way or the other. And then Ben would be disappointed. And I? My world would collapse like a house of cards all over again. But I tried to enjoy the time as much as I could, as long as Dean was here, as long as I knew that he would spend the night with us...

Someone kicked me under the table and it definitely must have been Dean becuase I knew that Ben was walking barefoot at home.

I looked at Dean. He eyed me a bit longer, then he glanced over to Ben, what made me do the same.

Ben was sitting there in total silence, lost in his own thoughts. He chewed on his piece of pizza without really thinking about it and I really wanted to know what was on his mind. If all this was turning my world upside down, what was Ben going thorugh then? And how would he handle it to know that Dean was going to die. Sooner or later we had to tell him. But how?

"Ben, sweetie." My son looked at me. "What is it?"

Ben shrugged. "Nothing, mom…"

I took a look at Dean, but he just shrugged. _Creepy, this similar behavior..._ At least I undestood what he meant, because Dean certainly knew what his son was going through now,We finished eating rather calmly, Ben went up to his room to listen to some music. It was time for bed for him by now. Dean cleared the table, I filled the dishwasher. Then we made ourselves comfortable on the sofa to conclude the evening.

I perched sideways on the sofa, my shoulder leaned against the cussions, feet stretched in Dean's direction. His own feet– only in socks by now – were lightly resting on the coffee table.I wouldn't let Ben go away with that and it wasn't really nice to look at, either, because we all know 'On the table belongs the cake / Not your feet, for heaven's sake!', but hey, I only had a few hours with him so I didn't want to complain about absolute nonsense. After all I wouldn't have the time to get used to his quirks and tics.

"So tell me, Lisa," I looked at Dean. "How are you doing? I mean...now that the truth is out?"

I thought about it for about a minute. How I was doing? Was I actually feeling better now? Or even worse? Was it the right decision to inform Dean about his paternity?

"Hmm...relieved. I was afraid you would react...differently."

"Did you think I would declare you insane and then just disappear?" Dean asked.

I nodded. That was actually my initial idea.

Dean laughed. _Very sympathetic, thanks..._ "Come on, Lisa. I even asked you about it! It's not like I didn't notice the similarity."

"Well, that doesn't mean anything. I know you wouldn't leave Sam behind. It's just family business. I have to accept that - and now that you...anyway," I couldn't bring myself to finish the sentence.

"Shht. I still have a few months left."

I nodded, tried to stretch these few months in mind. Anyways, I knew he wouldn't spend his last months at "Breaden/Winchester's" but in countless motel rooms instead.

"You know...I don't really understand why you thought I would react like that. I told you I would have been proud to be Ben's dad. That doesn't change in a couple of weeks, Lisa."

"I know, but..."

"No buts! Do me a favor and enjoy the evening. I've done enough for one day."

I sighed. Oh yeah, he did. "Okay...Just let me put Ben to bed."

Just when I wanted to get up, Dean held me back. "It's okay, let me do it. I wanted to talk to Ben anyways."

I nodded. "Are you gonna tell him, that...?"

"Yeah, I think so."

Before I got a chance to answer, he got up and stood on the landing. I could see that he took a last deep breath before he went upstairs to see Ben. What a Déjà-vu. It was exactly the same situation as about three hours ago. This time at leat I wasn't crying, but instead I was utterly eager to hear how Dean wanted to break the news to Ben.

Ben came down for the last time this evening. He was wearing his light blue pajamas.

"Do you come?"

"No, baby. Dean's waiting for you upstairs." I smiled.

"Hmm. Okay. Good night, mom." I hugged Ben tight, cuddled a little with him and gave him a good-night kiss.

"Sleep well, honey."

Then he ran upstairs, As much as he tried to hide it, I knew that Ben was so thrilled that Dean was here. He was happy, that Dean tucked him into bed today that he probably still was here when he would wake up tomorrow.

I tried to stay calmed and count from 1 to 10. 1, 2. ...10!! I was bursting with curiosity so I sneaked upstairs, through the dark hallway until I reached the door to Ben's room. There, I kneeled down and peeked through the keyhole. A very cute picture was revealing itself in front of me. Dean was sitting on the edge od Ben's bed, leaning against the wall behind him, one arm thrown around Ben's shoulders. I couldn't quite understand what they were talking about, but both were looking so relaxed that it calmed me down, as well. Now I sat on the floor in front on Ben's room, leaning my head against the door. Now I could understand them a little better,

"Why?"

"Hmm well...You know Sam, my brother, right?" He was very, very sick and I did something for him to get better."

"With some creepy things like the ones from my birthday party?"

"Yes, something like that. That's why I can't stay, Ben..."

"Are you gonna die?"

It was silent for a long time. I crawled onto my knees again to peek through the keyhole.

"Did you hear mommy and me talking about it?"

"Yes..."

"Yeah...probably."

"Oh."

"Don't think about it, son. I'm here for now. We gonna clarify everything else later."

Dean got up from the bed, tucked Ben into his blankets and tousled his hair. "Sleep well." Then he turned around to leave and I ran the risk to get exposed, when Ben called once again.

"Dea-...Dad?"

Dean turned around again.

"Don't leave,"

"I'll stay."

"Promised?"

"Honest Injun! Now sleep."

I hadn't noticed that a little tear was running over me cheek. This was so affecting. Then the door opened and Dean nearly stumbled upon me. When he spotted me he took a quick step aside and closed the door so Ben wouldn't see me. After that he offered his hand to help me up.

"I knew you would be eavesdropping..." Dean whispered.

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TBC...


End file.
